"Breathe in... hold
Breathe out... hold
Right Side in... Left Side out... blah blah blah
Counting ... 3, 4, 5, shit, I forget is this supposed to be a 6 or 12-count?
Fuck, my knees ache...
Everyone's eyes are closed - think they'll notice if I leave?...
I CAN"T BREATHE!!!"
Put me in a posture, anything, let me sweat and breathe fully and normally and I'm happy. I can disassociate or become totally present and stay all day but sit me in lotus, make me be still, restrict my breathing and I want to scream. I feel like my chest is going to explode. I want to jump up and run out of the room screaming.
Me, long-time Ashtanga practitioner with a daily, dedicated practice. Me who, when not practicing is reading everything I can get my hands on about yoga and teaching yoga. Me, who when I should be working in my painting studio practices 10 minute headstands instead. Yet, Pranayama totally has my number. Simple sitting and breathing. Good grief.
So - this is my practice, I suppose. I talked with David Williams about this at Kripalu last month when I finally admitted the afternoon Pranayama sessions were killing me. "Hey man, something is in you that has to come out!", he says. I got a prescription for a simplified breathing practice, was told to practice while breathing on my back and let him know what happens. So great, now I have an alien in my chest to worry about while I breathe...
OK, deep breath, I can do this. I will do this. A little at a time as part of my daily practice. If anything pops out of my chest, I'll let you know.
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| Just Arrived in the mail - my guide on this journey... |
I hear you Michael! I hated it too. I had to do a 12 week pranayama practice diary for a course I'm doing, nearly died when I was told I had to do it. Started reluctantly. Then half way through I got the Maehle book, read how to do the practices properly and things started to change. I still don't like the restricted feeling I get from some practices like nadi shodhana. But then some practices which I really like like good onld simple ujjayi also has its ups and downs, there are good bits and bad bits all in one practice. Maybe the key is the think of it in the same way as the asana practice, with its good bits and bad bits? Maybe...! Michelle
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