My Partner is the Divine

Travel, snow days and parking bans have been the reality of this yoga teacher this past month.  Substitute teachers (thank you all for stepping in during my absence), and cancelled classes have left me wondering where my students are in their practices.

Practicing at Home, Baddha Padmasana

I've been there, on the mat, 6 days a week as I have been for I don't know how long now.  At home while the snow is coming down and the wind is blowing outside, in hotel rooms and hotel gyms (Not a great experience, that!) and blessedly for a few practices at Eddie Stern's studio in New york. The practice is a constant companion in my life, through good and bad - days when I feel like it and days when I drag my sorry, sleepy self to the mat.  I'm a lone wolf Ashtangi, a vigilante - independent but doggedly determined.  So when I asked Eddie a few questions about the practice and he replied, "Who is your teacher?" I had to pause.  Right now, I'm without one.  Books by Gregor Maehle and YouTube videos by Kino don't cut it.  They aren't there to guide you when you find yourself in new territory.  They can't explain the depths of a practice that you begin to experience.  I am feeling the absence of a good and steady teacher.

So, a lot happens when you practice six days a week.  Your time is different, your day is different because you have taken care of yourself, paid attention to your practice.  You are better able to focus on the things that are important in your life. You make progress physically very quickly.  Things that once seemed impossible, become routine.  A posture that you might have struggled with for years suddenly becomes available to you, as if you could always manage it if only you got out of your own way.  And when you find yourself in these new postures - guess what happens?  Nothing.  No one claps, there is no reward, no medal or certificate given out, no congratulatory phone calls from Mysore, no enlightenment.  Nothing, nada, zippo.  You keep going because there is always further to go, always another posture or movement to work through, always deeper to go.  

But it was never the point.  Yoga is not about the achievement of postures.  And this is where I am back to thinking about my students.  In class, there is a palpable feeling amongst yoga students of wanting to achieve postures and really trying very hard to get there.  They see others in the room moving easily into one thing or another, binding in some way or floating a lotus while their's is stuck on the ground.  As a teacher you say "breathe, do your own practice, this is not a performance, stay in the moment, don't compare yourself to others."  You know the phrases - I wonder if any of this sticks.  It takes a smile, a hand on the back to get a student to let go, to relax and experience where they are.

This is where a solo, home practice can serve you well.  There is no one to look at or compare yourself to.  You can create a space in your home and life that is just how you want it, step into that and be with the practice.  You look around for the teacher and she is there - in the practice.  Pay attention and the grace and wisdom that are part of yoga will speak to you.

As I said in a recent workshop (Thank you Lindsay Green for the notes!)  "Yoga is about moving with grace. A dance with the body connected through the breath. A way of preparing to receive the divine from above. Courting grace - making divine your dance partner.  Trying to recognize a version of God within ourselves and everyone else and surrendering to that supreme being."

So go it alone sometimes and see where you are.  Search, explore, play and break the rules.    But do come back to class - I miss you!