"Breathe in... hold
Breathe out... hold
Right Side in... Left Side out... blah blah blah
Counting ... 3, 4, 5, shit, I forget is this supposed to be a 6 or 12-count?
Fuck, my knees ache...
Everyone's eyes are closed - think they'll notice if I leave?...
I CAN"T BREATHE!!!"
Put me in a posture, anything, let me sweat and breathe fully and normally and I'm happy. I can disassociate or become totally present and stay all day but sit me in lotus, make me be still, restrict my breathing and I want to scream. I feel like my chest is going to explode. I want to jump up and run out of the room screaming.
Me, long-time Ashtanga practitioner with a daily, dedicated practice. Me who, when not practicing is reading everything I can get my hands on about yoga and teaching yoga. Me, who when I should be working in my painting studio practices 10 minute headstands instead. Yet, Pranayama totally has my number. Simple sitting and breathing. Good grief.
So - this is my practice, I suppose. I talked with David Williams about this at Kripalu last month when I finally admitted the afternoon Pranayama sessions were killing me. "Hey man, something is in you that has to come out!", he says. I got a prescription for a simplified breathing practice, was told to practice while breathing on my back and let him know what happens. So great, now I have an alien in my chest to worry about while I breathe...
OK, deep breath, I can do this. I will do this. A little at a time as part of my daily practice. If anything pops out of my chest, I'll let you know.
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| Just Arrived in the mail - my guide on this journey... |
